Guest Post: Self Sabotage – why do we do it?

Everything seems to be going well, we’ve had a few conversations with a couple of people online, we’re planning a date, or even on a second or third one. And just as things seem to be on an even keel and we’re finally allowing ourselves to feel happy, doubt jumps into our mind. Doubt quickly leads to negative self talk and before we know it we’ve said or done something to send us off course.

We’ve sabotaged our happiness (yet again)

Self sabotage keeps us trapped within our comfort zone, it keeps us playing small. It prevents us from truly living a fulfilled life.

Why?

I remember years ago listening to the Robbie Williams being interviewed on a talk show. I think he had just come back from the edge of self destruction. He was asked,

“Why do you do it? Why do you go from seemingly having it all to self destruction?”

His response shocked me in its honesty.

“Because I don’t deserve it. Because I’m not worth it.”

Self sabotage made public

Why do we allow this gremlin to prevent us from doing what we want to do?

What frightens you? What is the reason behind self sabotage that causes you to retreat into your shell, to play small? Are you fearful of getting hurt so don’t bother to email someone you’re attracted to online? Are you allowing your past beliefs about relationships in the past to colour your judgment now? Are you lacking in confidence so decide it’s safer to hide away? It’s worth asking these questions either on your own or with a coach.

I know self sabotage well, I am a past expert! Today I know the signs and step in before the demons take hold… most of the time.

Self sabotage used to manifest itself by my cancelling a date at the last minute.

Self sabotage showed up in allowing nerves to take over.

Self sabotage manifested itself in my over-analysing a text from a guy rather than enjoying the relationship.

Self sabotage turned me into a mind reader…imagining what he’s probably thinking and that he doesn’t really find me interesting.

Self sabotage can show up as pretending to be too busy to spend time online checking out profiles

Self sabotage keeps us small and living unfulfilled lives.

What are you prepared to do about it? It is a battle yet it’s a battle worth fighting. Each and every day if necessary.

We tackle self-sabotage one moment at a time:

•Learning to identify self-sabotaging behaviour is the best place to start.

•Become aware of decisions you are making on a daily basis, learn to recognise those which are holding you back.

•Learn to replace those decisions and behaviours with healthy, life-affirming ones.

•Ask yourself, “what would be a better way to respond?”