How Important is Chemistry when Dating?

‘There was no chemistry’ is one of the most common reasons for dismissing someone who looked perfect on paper. So, what is ‘chemistry’ when it comes to dating and what role does it play in a successful relationship?

The dictionary definition

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, chemistry is ‘the complex emotional or psychological interaction between people’ and Dictionary.com. 

The scientific explanation

Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropologist and her team at The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University conducted brain scans on people who were in the early stages of love. Dr Fisher found that dopamine and serotonin levels were particularly high during the early stages of attraction.

Dopamine controls the brain’s reward and pleasure centres and is what is associated with the obsessive quality of a new relationship. Increased levels of dopamine cause people to feel energised, to lose their appetite and to struggle to  get to sleep.

Serotonin is responsible for controlling your mood and makes people feel happy. Both chemicals help to contribute to a feeling of being ‘love sick’.

How to build chemistry

The initial attraction that you feel when you meet someone is a combination of different factors; looks, personality and body language.

Women can enhance their looks by using red lipstick to emphasise their mouth and choose an outfit that highlights their womanly figure. Men can focus on showing off a manly physique by choosing an outfit that shows off their broad shoulders and narrow waist.

In terms of personality, you can build chemistry by flirting and mild teasing as well as really listening to your date, which will make them feel special.

Effective body language includes mimicking your date’s movements and using the right amount of eye contact and touch. For example, if they cross their legs and you do the same, it will create the illusion of closeness. This happens naturally when we feel connected with someone,  but subtle mimicry can be effective until the bond forms naturally. Gently touching your date’s arm, or leg when you speak can also help to create a bond, but make sure to stop if they look uncomfortable with the physical contact.